Easy Street?

No One Tells You About This

My old and dear friend Elizabeth said during dinner last week: “No one tells you about this whole stage of life. No one talks about it. I thought it would be easy street.”

I’m not sure what makes us believe in this pipedream of “Easy Street,” but it seemed so far off when she said it. Don’t get me wrong - I’m blessed or at least privileged - with friends, family, health and some good fortune. In a world where so many have so little, do I have the right to feel a general malaise about how hard things feel right now? At the moment when she mentioned it, it crystalized for me how much was weighing on me.

When I graduated high school, I looked forward to college and then adulthood. Then I looked forward to living out some dreams — falling in love, a family, traveling and a great, creative job. When my kids were young, I looked forward to a little more space and a little more sleep and then I looked forward to having all the “things” I always wanted and having the chance to enjoy them all with those I loved: Easy Street.

And then I find myself at a culdesac. Going round and round in a way that no one tells you about. If I thought this phenomenon was unique to me, I would shut up and admit that I’m just being a whiny little bitch. But I’ve talked to so many 50-somethings that are in their virtual spin cycle — that stage that no one tells you about.

Last week, I toiled with my job satisfaction — something that really occupies a lot of brain space considering how much time I put into it. I was consumed with the competing thoughts of my mom passing away or living forever in a state of depression from her dementia. I began recognizing the changing dynamic of my family as my daughter plans to leave for college in a few months and the surge of emotions it would bring. I hopelessly felt the stabbing pain that my son was unhappy because his baseball skills were failing him. And then there’s the constant reminders of aging - whether not taking regular shits or the increasing brown spots growing on my hands and face. And to top it off like a cherry on top - the fear of the world falling apart at the hand of MAGA-INSANITY.

Easy Street felt like Obesity Street with the weight of it all a few days ago.

And then, poof. My mom passed away. On Mother’s Day. At Peace. Surrounded by her three kids. It was an elegant end to a beautiful life. And it lifted a weight off of me. It also helped me see more clearly, which allowed me to clearly tackle my job issues. And I went and had my annual check-up yesterday and all is good in that department. And most importantly (but not really), I took a really good shit!

Is Easy Street in sight? Probably not that easy is my guess. But it reminds me to take it all in stride. There is no roadmap and sadly, there’s no one to tell me how it’s going to go. But I’m going to try to be ok with it. I have a journey ahead and an angel to guide the way to “Easier Street.”

Welcome to my Substack by the way. I’m Andy and I’m trying to find my way to less grind and more joy. I’d love to hear your thoughts.